Confession #9

Confession #9

Revenge is a dish best served never.

Remember being in second grade on the playground with your best friend? Remember how there was that one time where she said something in haste, without thinking, and not realizing that it would really hurt you? Remember how you reacted out of anger and said something even meaner back? Remember how you could never be friends again because of that one little spat? Do you remember learning anything from that?

So here's the thing: Recently, one of my good friends did something that really hurt me. I acted like it didn't, but it did. She did not intent to hurt me, and did it without thinking of how I might feel. This thing she did not only hurt me, it really pissed me off. I found myself making snide comments about her, not to anyone, just myself. I even got to the point where I wasn't sure I still wanted to be friends with her. Yes, over this little thing. 

Well the situation came up where our roles were reversed and I had the opportunity to do to her what she had done to me. "Perfect!" I thought. "This will really teach her! You can't just do that to a friend and not expect it to hurt. I hope she learns her lesson from this." 

Yeah, cause that's not hypocritical right?! 

Well, fear not, I did figure that out. And I thought about the little girls on the play ground and how their entire friendship was ended over something mindless. Then I thought, did anyone end up happy? Did teaching the other girl a lesson really solve anything? Really all that this ended up producing was two upset girls, each with one less friend to play with and talk to. 

That's when I decided I was being a whiney second-grader and I needed to grow up. 

Unfortunately, it seems like as adults, we keep this crappy part of childhood with us and act upon it. Someone says something absentmindedly at church that offends us and we never go back or a friend accidentally says something rude to us and we never text them back. Another parent makes an observation about our child not realizing it can be taken badly, and we don't have play dates with them anymore. 

It's a lesson we all learned in second grade. Revenge, or teaching someone a lesson for something they have done to you, only makes you angry and alone. If we could only remember this lesson like we remember how to multiply 6 x 5. Then maybe we could stay friends with our friends, or happily keep going to church, or get our mommy time at the play date. We wouldn't end up bitter, angry, and with one less person to call a friend. 

I remembered this lesson just in time. I did not do what my friend had done to me. We ended up having a very nice time and I found that I did not even have to consciously forgive her. It sort of just happened. Now we can still spend time together and confide in each other just as we had before. It's really nice to still have her as a friend. Who knows what would have happened if I had decided to take my revenge. I'm sure glad I didn't. 

When Christ told us to turn the other cheek, he wasn't necessarily talking about letting someone beat us up or abuse us. I like to think he was talking about things like this. Where you can get angry and fight back and you can both lose, or you can turn the other cheek and things can go back to where they were without the bitterness and resentment. And if what happened caused such a riff that if can't go back to where it was? Well, then you can decide not to cause more pain than was already caused. You can decide to let go off the anger and just be happy. It works. Trust me. No, it's not always easy, but I've found practice certainly helps.

So stay friends, my friends. It's far better that way.